Invader Dib 2: When Worlds Collide
by Scribe E
Summary: Chapter 3!! Acid lakes and Drunken Invaders and lots of good crap!
1. Default Chapter

Well here we are, the sequel...Wow, a sequel ubelievable ain't it? To think I started this all from a bag of cornnuts and tons of horse tranquilizers as I danced around in a party dress, cursing at my dog for being slovenly.....BUT NOW YOU KNOW TOO MUCH! So anyway, here we go. P.S. did anyone get to see the picture of Vampire Boy from Squee in the background of the Zim episode "Plague of Babies." CAUSE I DID!  
  
So here we are with the intro, boy we sure are gonna have fun with this bucket full of donkeys! Who wants to be the first to lick the....  
  
Jhonen: WAIT JUST ONE SECOND!  
  
OH NO! VASQUEZ!  
  
Jhonen: That's right. After our many battles, I have finally gotten the necessary arrangements made to take you down.  
  
Really? And what would those be?  
  
Jhonen: THE MULTITUDE OF MY CHARACTERS WHO WANT TO SUE YOU! *begins to laugh as almost every character Vasquez created shambles into the room*  
  
Oh......crap nuggets.  
  
Tallest: We're going to sue your ass for making us seem so gay in your damn story.  
  
Oh really?  
  
Purple: That's right, red and I are all about the ladies.  
  
Red: Tell him Purple Dave.  
  
Purple:.........  
  
I reiterate..."Oh Really"? Then perhaps you would like to explain to the audience these photos of you skinny dipping with Sigfried and Roy sans the white tiger.  
  
Red: HOW DID YOU?.....We take back our claim.  
  
Good. Next?  
  
Nny: *walks up* The story you wrote about me, Desires or whatever, was so gay. Like I would ever jump off a cliff, I mean come on.  
  
Oh yeah? YOUR MOM'S GAY!  
  
Nny:....... *runs off sobbing*  
  
Next?  
  
Squee: *takes a big puff of a cigar* WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU WRITTEN A STORY ABOUT ME? YOU THINKSH IS NOTSH GOOSH ENOUST FO YAS? *obviously drunk*  
  
...... If you go away now, I'll give you three dollars for beer money.  
  
Squee: *wobbles drunkingly considering the options.* Osskk *takes money.*  
  
Next?  
  
Zim:.....  
  
Zim? What do you want?  
  
Zim:.....Could I get some hash?  
  
NO! DAMMIT NO! GET OUT OF HERE!  
  
Zim: *walks away*  
  
NEXT!  
  
Gaz: I've got a complaint.  
  
Oh God no.  
  
Gaz: Look at how you portrayed me. I'm not some cold unfeeling girl who cares about nothing but her own needs. I have feelings! I'm a fragile flower in a stormy field who needs enough water to grow into a pretty..AAK!  
  
*hits Gaz with a ballpoint pen*  
  
Gaz: *falls to the ground unconcious*  
  
NEXT!  
  
Jhonen: DAMN YOU E! THERE'S NO ONE LEFT! I SHALL HAVE REVENGE ON YOU THIS DAY! KNOW THAT MY TERROR WILL SPREAD TO YOUR....Hey is that a bucket of donkeys?  
  
Yes it is....Go nuts.  
  
Jhonen: *goes nuts*  
  
*sigh* On with the story.  
  
INVADER DIB 2: WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE  
  
CHAPTER 1: EARTH + IRK EQUALS OBSCENITY  
  
"IF IRK IS RIGHT THERE, HOW CAN EARTH BE RIGHT OVER HERE?" Dib asked, getting more and more frantic.  
  
"Stop shouting and I'll try to tell you, filthy filth boy of....Alcatraz." Zim replied, in search of a better word. "Just let me make a few alterations to my computer first."  
  
Dib waited as Zim began to tinker away and looked upon the misshaped globe which now contained both the planet Earth and the planet Irk. Citizens of earth slowly began to leech their way out of their houses, looking at the part of the globe which was now Irk. The Invaders did the same thing and the two types of species came upon one another. As the number of humans and Irkens began to study one another, the Invader known as E came onto the scene. With clown bites covering his body, limbs missing and various other severe injuries on his person, E crawled up to the first human he could find.  
  
"Hmmmm, it seems that something has happened that caused our two worlds to merge. This situation could get worse than Rosie O'Donnel wearing a speedo on a hot summer's day. No matter, I'm sure we can coexist with one another as we try and fix the problem. After all we come in peace." E outstretched his hand to the earthman in front of him.  
  
Before E could get a reply from the man, a shotgun blast blew off the hand that was outstretched and another blast did the same to the Irken's head, ending E's short lived yet hillarious life.  
  
"THEY COME WITH PEAS! GET EM!" A drunken hillbilly cried as he raised his large elephant gun into the air, blasting every alien thing he could see. In retaliation, the Irkens began to fire back with their advanced laser weapons, devastating many of the Earth houses and buildings.  
  
"DAMMIT!" Dib cried ducking for cover, Zim right behind him. "I knew we'd be done in by the hillbillys one day but would anyone listen? NOOooOOo! I mean, how could you not see it coming from a type of people who make alcohol themselves in a big jug labeled 'XXX', WHY COULDN'T.."  
  
"Shhhh, I'm almost done, stinkboy." Zim said, finishing his tinkering.  
  
"AH TO HELL WITH IT! If I'm gonna die, I'm going out happy." Dib takes out a magazine titled 'large black BOOTAE!' "Which ways the bathroom?"  
  
Zim looked up sickly and pressed a button on his computer screen, causing it to spring into action.  
  
"All right, no need for any death..... activities at the moment. I have come up with the answer as to why Earth and Irk have merged with one another."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"Well, remember that tiny little device that I used to teleport us to Blortch which we left back on Irk?"  
  
"Yes??"  
  
"Well, it turns out that I.....forgot to turn it off."  
  
Dib's jaw fell straight to the ground. He clenched his fists, opened his mouth as loud as he could and screamed.  
  
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"  
  
"K!" Invader Devi said in the middle of a park, somewhere on Earth. "The last thing I remember was walking away from Ima and going back to my house. So why is it I'm on some alien planet now?"  
  
The young Invader girl, confused out of her mind, sat down on a nearby bench, pondering her dilemma. As she pondered on, a young woman sat next to her.  
  
"AAAAAAAA! WHAT THE IRK ARE YOU?" Invader Devi screamed jumping off the bench.  
  
"That's my line." The young woman said, sipping on a cafe latte.  
  
"....Your words confuse me, state your business or prepare to be vaporized." Invader Devi cried, reaching for her laser in her backpack.  
  
"Well I'm just sitting here after another one of my many horrible dates." The young girl replied.  
  
"What are these dates?"  
  
"Don't worry about it. Look I don't think I've ever seen an alien before so I'll tell you my name. I'm Devi." The young woman said, finishing her latte.  
  
"I'm Invader Devi."  
  
"........"  
  
"........"  
  
"It's a small universe after all."  
  
Meanwhile, in the spot where Irk used to be.  
  
"WHERE THE HELL?" A booming voice erupted from inside the large spaceship that was circling the empty space. "WHAT IS THIS CRAP?"  
  
"I do believe that Irk is gone dear brother." Another voice said from behind the larger voice.  
  
"Great. Just great. I mean jeez. We're gone for three decades searching for what's his name in Food Courtia and when we come back, our home world is gone. I mean jeez."  
  
"Quit saying jeez! And why are we standing in the shadows? This seems a little queer if you ask me."  
  
"Oh shut up! You think everything's queer. And we're standing here to set the mood, dummy. To give the audience a little foreshadowing of things to come from us."  
  
".....Did you just grab my ass?"  
  
Meanwhile on Earth, in the house labeled #777  
  
"Look, I told myself I wasn't going to do this anymore." The figure in the darkness said to a man, strapped to a chair, electrodes shooting through his body. "But then I carefully weighed my options, calculating whether or not I would be suited as a roach or something. However, that simply wouldn't have worked out for me, after all, then there would be no one to flush garbage like you down the drain and SOMEONE HAS TO KILL P DIDDY BEFORE HE SPREADS HIS EVIL GRIP OVER THE WORLD!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"You concur. How generous of you. Now let me get the three poodles with aids down here and we can...."  
  
Just as the figure was preparing the get the AIDS ridden poodles, a large spacecraft burst through the side of the wall. The ship crushed the man in the chair against the nearby wall, with the other figure lunging out of the way.  
  
"Visitors?" The figure asked, dusting himself off. "Were you expecting visitors at this hour, Nail Bunny?"  
  
"No I wasn't Johnny." The picture of Nail Bunny said as Johnny held it up to his ear.   
  
"Hmmmmm, this has possibilities."   
  
End Chapter 1  
  
OOOOOOO *has a heart attack* OOOOOOO! What will happen next? Will Dib finish his long curse word? Will Zim un f*** up that which has been F***ed up? Will other characters be introduced? You bet your sweet fanny.   
  
Join us next time for...  
  
Chapter 2: Irk invades the white house....poo!  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Well its been a long time in coming, but here it is, the second chapter of the second story of Invader Dib. If you haven't read the first story, you may want to go back and give it a look. Funny stuff I GUARANTEE! Why haven't I been working on this? I blame school amongst other things, but I will honestly try my best to get more chapters of this story and my others (Nny/Fight Club, Zim: The Reign, Zim the College Years, and so on.) It is strongly advised you read Invader Dib and the first Chapter of Invader Dib 2 before reading this. Anyway, ON WITH THE SHOW!  
  
Are you ready to Laugh?  
  
Audience: *Cough*  
  
I Said Are you READY TO LAUGH?  
  
Audience: *coughs more*  
  
..... CUT! *Camera crew stops filming author and the people on the set get up*  
  
Assitant: What's the matter Mister E?  
  
Well I don't know. Don't you think after all this downtime, me selling out for money to advertisers is pretty...unethical.  
  
Assitant: HAHAHAHA! Sir you talk as if you had a soul! HAHAHA!  
  
Yeah I guess I sold that to Pepsi awhile ago. I still can't believe I got famous after writing those horrible Fanfiction stories.   
  
Assitant: Yes, almost laughable.  
  
I mean, I thought they were joking when they asked me to write the Zim movie. It was a huge success, I got famous and I'm being endorsed by everything under the sun.   
  
Assitant: Almost laughable sir.  
  
No...NO! I CAN'T DO THIS! *rips off endorsement logos* CANT BE A CORPORATE TOOL!  
  
Assitant: Before you do that, perhaps you'd like to see pepsi's newest price for your services.  
  
*looks at slip of paper.* Is that their phone number?  
  
Assitant: No.  
  
!!!!!!.........I LOVE PEPSI! EVERYBODY DRINK PEPSI AND STUFF!  
  
Crazy man in the crowd: SELLOUT! *pulls out sniper rifle* I LOVED YOU SCRIBE E! I LOVED YOU, BUT I LOVE MY MOTHER MORE! *shoots Scribe E in the chest, gets taken down by guards*  
  
AAAAAAA *wakes up in bed* AAAA! Oh thank God. It was all a dream *rolls out of bed and walks downstairs* Now I can get back to what I usually do: Poke Zim with a ball point candle and burn him with a candlestick when he gets out of line.  
  
Zim: AAAA! I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! IM CONFUSED!  
  
Hehehehe......Enjoy the new chapter. Poke.  
  
Invader Dib 2: When Worlds Collide  
Chapter 2  
  
"Yep, the world's goin down. You know I thought I'd be saying that during the Clinton administration, but live and learn." Dib put his hand on Zim's shoulder, the tiny Irken still tinkering away at the teleportation device.  
  
"Remove your stink from my vacinity filthboy." Zim slapped away Dib's hand and kept right on tinkering.  
  
"Fine. I will. I'll put my hands to better use." Dib then stuck his hands down his pants. Zim looked at Dib with a horrified look.  
  
"What in Irk's name are you doing?"  
  
"Uhhhh I'm studying Algebra."  
  
"In your pants?" Zim responded, confused as ever.  
  
"....YES! That's how all humans do it."  
  
"Really? This helps your calculations?"   
  
"....Sure." Dib responded, trying to hold back his laughter.  
  
"VERY WELL! FROM NOW ON, I SHALL MAKE MY CALCULATIONS THE EARTHLING WAY...IN MY PANTS!" Zim shoved his hands down his pants with the device and tinkered some more.  
  
"So Zim, is there anyway that we can seperate Irk and Earth anytime soon? Our two sides are killing each other." Dib looked into the chaos, watching as a number of hillbillies blew holes in Irken technology with their "boom sticks" while much of the Irken population was biting the ankles of the humans in their proximity.   
  
"Let me make one more alteration with this surgical syringe and...URK!" Zim gasped and bit down on his tongue.  
  
"You made a discovery?"  
  
"...No. I missed the device."  
  
"Oh......OH!....AAAHH!" Dib cried as he held his hands over his crotch.  
  
"Ok..urk...According to the device...urk...We should be able to split apart our two planets in about a month or two."  
  
"A MONTH?" Dib cried out.  
  
"Yes a month. That is how long it will take the device to be fixed." Zim took his tools and the device out of his pants and placed them into his metallic backpack.   
  
"How the heck will we keep the peace for a mon...." Dib was interrupted by an earth shattering crash caused by the warring humans and Irkens. "This is ridiculous. I'm stopping this here and now."  
  
"What are you going to do?" Zim asked.  
  
"You'll see." Dib climbed up a nearby hill and looked down at the carnage and began to yell at the warring factions. "PEOPLE OF EARTH! THE THINGS THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING ARE NOT ALIENS!"  
  
"BUT THEYS LOOKS LIKES ALIENS!" One of the hillbillies cried as he grasped at an Irken's throat.   
  
"LISTEN! THESE ARE NOT ALIENS! ITS JUST MICHAEL JACKSON!" Zim fell over at Dib's ridiculous attempt as many of the humans stopped fighting.  
  
"All of them?" A confused human fighter asked, scratching his head.  
  
"....SURE!" Dib replied.  
  
"AAhhh" All the humans said simultaneously as they put down the tiny aliens and brushed off their clothes.  
  
"Sorry Mister Jackson, carry on." One of the soldiers said as the Irkens shrugged their shoulders and continued pummeling the humans, now not fighting back at all.  
  
"Problem solved." Dib said, slapping his hands together.  
  
"Uhhhh you do realize my people are still killing your people?" Zim said, pointing at the catastrophe being cause by the Irken people.  
  
"I said 'Problem solved.'" Dib then slapped his hands once again, right underneath Zim's nose.  
  
"I'm going back to my base, tell me if anything important happens." Zim walked away from Dib.  
  
"Oh walking away eh? You can consider our truce over Zim! I trusted you MAN! I TRUSTED YOU! THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? I NURSED YOUR BABY AND MADE HIM THE MAN HE IS TODAY!"  
  
Zim stopped short in his tracks.  
  
"Actually you came to Irk in a horrible costume, tried to invade it, failed miserably, and were thrown back here with me."   
  
"Oh yeah. That doesn't mean I still won't be trying to take down your horrible icky society....poop."  
  
"Whatever." Zim then walked away to the sounds of Dib still ranting on.   
  
Meanwhile, in Central Park....  
  
"So your name is Devi." Human Devi asked, pointing at Invader Devi.  
  
"Correct." Invader Devi responded.  
  
"And my name is Devi."   
  
"I guess that's correct as well."   
  
"And like me, you've had horrible experiences with the opposite sex."  
  
"*Sigh* Correct."  
  
"Cool." Devi got off the park bench and walked in front of the Irken invader. "Wanna go to a dance club?"  
  
"FIRST I MUST CONQUER YOUR WORLD ON WHICH I HAVE BEEN PLACED AND SWIM IN THE SEAS OF YOUR PEOPLES BLOOD! ONLY ONCE I HAVE TASTED THE LAST TONGUE OF YOUR SPECIES' INFANTS SHALL I RELINQUISH MY MISSION! BEHOLD MY POWER! GREEN LANTERN'S LI....." Invader Devi stopped in her tracks looking at the confused Devi. "I need a drink and a shower."  
  
"Now you're thinking like a human."  
  
Meanwhile in the bowels of House #777....  
  
"So, let me get this straight." Johnny C said as he walked around the captured Irken, arms and legs stringed to a strange contraption. "You are an Urpen.."  
  
"Irken." The alien responded, struggling with the constraints.  
  
"Irken, my mistake. Your an Irken invader who was on your humble planet, circling it in a spaceship, when you were brought to our little shit hole in the universe."  
  
"Yes. Now would you please let me down?" The Irken asked, obviously tired and malnourished.   
  
"DONT FUCKING INTERRUPT ME!" Nny pulled on a switch on the wall, causing one of the strings to retract into the wall, taking one of the Irken's arms with it.  
  
"AAAAAAAA!"  
  
"Thats music to my ears, even if it is of alien origin." Nny took out a knife and began using it to pick his teeth with. "So your culture on Irk is based on a structure of height? In layman's terms, whoever is tallest is the best?"  
  
"Aakk...Hkkk..."  
  
"Ohhh I'm sorry. You're obviously in too much pain to answer my questions, or you just don't want to be able to use your legs again." Nny's bony finger inched toward another button and began to dangle over it.  
  
"NO! NO! I MEAN YES! OUR CULTURE IS BASED ON A STRUCTURE OF HEIGHT!" The captured Irken said.  
  
"......Crap." Nny whispered, clenching his fist.  
  
"Wha...akkk...what's wrong?"  
  
"YOU! YOU'RE WRONG!" Nny cried as he waved his knife in the invader's face. "YOUR WHOLE SYSTEM IS AS SCREWED AS OURS IS! ALIENS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN WE ARE!"  
  
"......" The invader said nothing, still grappling with the pain of his missing arm.  
  
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOW US HOW HORRIBLE WE ARE IN OUR LITTLE HOVELS AND MAKE US CHANGE! LIKE ET THE EXTRATERRESTIAL OR THE ALIEN FROM ALIENS OR THE FREAKIN PREDATOR!" Nny panted and then regained his composure. "You know, that makes me angry enough to....well do this."  
  
Nny pressed all the buttons at once, causing the machine to rip apart the already injured Irken.  
  
"Well that was productive Nny, if not stupid." Nail bunny chimed in.  
  
"Heh, he bleeds green." Nny smiled as he scooped up some of the Irken's blood in his hands.  
  
"*Sigh* Focus Nny."  
  
"I am focused, in fact, I think its time you and I go out on the town Nail Bunny."  
  
"Yippee." Nail Bunny said sarcastically.  
  
Back at Dib's House....  
  
"Dad I'm home." Dib said as he opened up the door and walked into the living room. He looked around the room and saw his father naked in the corner, scratching his arms.  
  
"So...many....spiders....Eating....Ice...Cream....CRAZY VANILLA!" Professor Membrane cried, obviously out of his mind.  
  
"Oh no, not another drug induced hallucination."  
  
"Fraid so." Gaz said, appearing behind Dib.   
  
"What did he take?"  
  
"Well as near as I can tell he drank 30 bottles of Budweiser, 6 hits of ecstacy, three shots of heroin, at least 4 joints, and what appears to be a bottle of dog urine and gasoline with the word 'Drinkin Jug' written on it." Gaz said, looking at her deshriveled half a man of a father.  
  
"IM A PROFESSOR OF SCIENCE AND FUNK!" Membrane cried, still scratching his body.   
  
"Well I'm back from....camp?" Dib said unassuredly to Gaz. "How's everything going?"  
  
"I wish you would shut up. I hate you. I hate my life." Gaz responded throwing her hands up into the air. "The world's against me. I hide my pain in video games. I'm too weak to ask for help. I turn to drugs cause they're my only friends. I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO....eh?"   
  
Gaz was then interrupted as a falling, burning garbage can slammed through the wall and into her back.   
  
"DIR! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Dib cried as he hugged the garbage can.   
  
"Only the outside, only on the outside." Dir thought, still on fire.  
  
Meanwhile, at Zim's base.....  
  
"Stupid keys." Zim said to himself, trying to get his door open with his jinggling keys. Right as he managed to open the door a large fireball came spiralling at him and managed to slam into his back. "AAAAAAA! THE PAIN! THE....Oh no."  
  
"OH YES!" Gir said as he jumped off of Zim's back and began dancing around. "Iiii'm baaaccccckkkk. WATCH ME DANCE! BOOM BOOM BOOM JIGGA WHAT? BOOM BOOM BOOM JIGGA WHAT? HOLLA!"  
  
"Somebody save me."  
  
End Chapter 2  
  
OOOOOOOOO! MY PANTS TINGLE WITH ANTICIPATION! How will Gir's return affect Zim? How will Dir's return affect Dib? What will Johnny do now that aliens are on earth? Will the two Devis get it on......Oh God I hope so. Find out this and much more in....  
  
CHAPTER 3!!! 


	3. ACID LAKES AND DRUNKARDS OH MY!

Welcome back my friends to the song that never ends, come inside, come inside.  
  
If you haven't read this before, for the Love of God read Invader Dib and the chapters before this one to understand whats going on. Enjoy the Funny.  
  
Invader Dib 2: When Worlds Collide  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"It has been about a month," A reporter talked into the camera in front of her, being broadcast live to each television on the planet. "since the alien race calling themselves the Irkens have become attached to the spinning blue orb we like to call 'earth'. At first there was much fighting between the two races."  
  
The vision of the reporter gave way to a scene of military men running at the Irkens with bayonets. Screaming a war cry, the men plunge their sharp ends of their guns at the Irkens, missing of course because they were far too short.  
  
"Huh." One of the soldiers exclaimed, looking feverishly at his gun. "They're shorter than the dummys we trained with in boot camp....THEY'RE SHORTER THAN THE DUMMYS! OUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST THEM! RUN AWAY!"  
  
All at once the soldiers then dropped their guns and ran away screaming, leaving the tiny Irkens to dance and sing victory chants.   
  
"However, after a month of negotiations with the leaders of the world. A peace process has begun and treaties are being made as we speak."  
  
The scene of the reporter once again swipes away to show a scene of George W Bush with the Tallest in the White House meeting room.  
  
"In the process of peace," George Bush said in his very unique way. "I must let it be known that I enjoy ketchup on my fries."  
  
"......" The tallest were speechless as Vice President Cheney had a severe heart attack and died due to the president's stupidity.  
  
"Although I do not enjoy relish, as it gives me gas and quite a bad case of heartburn."  
  
"We agree." The tallest said in unison. "PEACE BETWEEN PEOPLES!"   
  
"So when are we gonna blow up their side of the planet?" Red whispered to Purple as the two posed with the president for a picture.  
  
"Shut up. He's taller than we are, obviously he must be smarter than us. He's trying to trick us with his superior mind by pretending to be stupid." Purple smiled for the camera as Bush looked vapidly into the sky, drool flowing from his mouth.  
  
"With peace negotiations in finalization," The reporter stated, the screen returning to her. "speciality groups have begun springing up across the world with the Irkens arrival. One group in particular the....oh god do I really have to read this....*sigh*....the Tall Klux Klan."  
  
"The tall man and alien have been taken advantage of for too long!" A very lanky man said underneath a black mask and robe as the screen was given to him. "Its time to take back the universe for the tall man. TALL POWER!"  
  
Thousands of Tall Klux Klan followers followed suit and yelled out 'Tall power' in unison.  
  
"In response, a group of very miniature humans and Irkens alike have created their own group known as the......just kill me now...." The reporter whispered as she was about to read the name of the group. "The Small Panthers."  
  
"Yo the Tall man been dissing me and my brothers for too long!" A small Irken yelled out, being given the screen. "We small panthers are gonna do the job of helping those oppressed by Tallie. KILL TALLIE!"  
  
"Even within the young culture, teenagers have begun mimicing the styles of the many Irkens now on the planet with which they share."  
  
"YEAH!" yelled out a crazy teen, an metallic Irken like backpack staple gunned into his back. "These ALIEN IS DA SHIZNIT! Nothing says I'm original more than having a large metallic object forcefully stapled into your spine. WOOOO!"  
  
"As it is with many human teenagers a number of Irken teenagers have similarly started mimicing our culture." The reporter knelt down next to a smiling Irken female. "Now your name is.....?"  
  
"Kalp!" The young Irken yelled into the microphone, still smiling insanely.  
  
"And how have you mimiced human culture?"  
  
"I GOT EARRINGS!" The Irken yelled out in excitement, showing off her large gold bands sticking out of her head.  
  
"How do you have earrings with no ears?" The reporter questioned.  
  
"Oh, thats easy. I just jammed them through my frontal lobe. They look so.....guhhhhhhhhhhhh." Drool fell from the Irken's mouth as the reporter snapped her awake. "They say I lost 50% of my grey matter!"  
  
"That's terrific. So for the time being, Irken and human existence is about as peaceful as its going to be. Will this hold in the future? Only time will tell. This is Nina Crapling reporting."  
  
"Yeah great." Dib said, walking past the television, switching it off with his remote. " 'Thanks for saving our lives from the Irken Invasion by stopping one of their invaders, Dib. Thanks for going over there for about six months and trying to bring them down from the inside, Dib.' I swear I get no respect."  
  
"Your voice makes me want to..." Dib walked over to Gaz before she could she could say anything and injected her with a needle, causing her to smile and dance around. "SING! I LOVE THE WORLD AND ALL IS GOOD!"  
  
"Thank you Lithium." Dib said, kissing the needle with which he had just injected his sister.  
  
Meanwhile, up in space light years away.....  
  
"So what do we do with Zim when we get there?" A tall shadowy figure said on the bridge of a large spaceship. A smaller figure with long antennae turned to him and smiled.  
  
"I have a plan."  
  
"Which is?"   
  
"Well first," The shorter of the two figuers walked over to a table and rolled out a large diagram. "We lure him to a very specific place."  
  
"What is this place?" The taller one said, scratching one of his antennae.  
  
"Its a place I like to call acid lake. Acid Lake will destroy him thoroughly." The smaller one explained, smiling.  
  
"Oh so we'll throw him in and he'll be killed cause of the acid right? Good plan." The tall one smiled and began walking away.  
  
"Wait DAMMIT!" The smaller one yelled, stopping the tall one in mid-walk. "You have to see the demonstration first. I have a sample of acid lake here with me. Watch as what happens when I put this stapler in it."  
  
"I don't need to see the demonstration." The taller one said to the smaller figure, dangling a stapler over a jar filled with the acid lake sample. "I get it. Acid lake is filled with acid, its not that complicated."   
  
"Ok smart ass," The smaller one said bitterly. "Try telling me what acid lake is made of?"  
  
".......Acid?"  
  
".......Nope."  
  
"What do you mean 'nope'? Its made of acid! Why else would they call it acid lake?" The taller one said, waving his arms up and down.  
  
"I don't know why, it just isn't made out of acid."  
  
"Fine then. Please tell me what ACIIIDDDDD," The taller one screamed in anger. "lake is made out of."  
  
"Chocolate."  
  
"No its not."  
  
"Yes it is." The smaller one replied, shaking his head up and down.  
  
"NO IT ISN'T!"  
  
"YES IT IS!"   
  
"NO IT ISN'T!" The taller figure jumped on the shorter figure and began smashing his head up against the wall.  
  
"AAAA...Fine! LET GO! ITS NOT MADE OUT OF CHOCOLATE!"  
  
"All right then." The taller figure let go of the shorter figure's head and dropped him to the ground. "Now please inform me as to what 'acid' lake is made out of."  
  
"........ROOTMARM! TILL THE DAY I DIE ITS ROOT MARM!"  
  
"..........I can't believe I was born from the same birthing chamber as you. Just stay out of my way until we find Zim so I can show dear brother the meaning of pain." The tall figure cracked his knuckles in anticipation.  
  
"AND ROOTMARM, DON'T FORGET ROOTMARM!" The smaller one yelled out, an insane look in his eyes.  
  
Meanwhile, Back on Earth the Next Day.....  
  
"No respect. No respect. No respect." Dib muttered to himself as he walked to school. Right in the middle of Dib's mutterings, Zim jumped in his path and began walking with him.  
  
"Greetings Dib parrot."  
  
"ZIM!" Dib cried out. "Have you finished the freaking repairs to the teleporter yet? I can't take having you and your tall worshipping species on my planet anymore."  
  
"These things take time stinko. It will be awhile yet until we can disconnect our two planets and return them to their respective places in the universe."  
  
"Yeah yeah...." Dib stopped as he noticed Zim was wearing his 'human' disguise. "Why the heck are you still wearing that? Your people are here on earth now, everyone's going to realize that your an alien when they compare and contrast."  
  
"I disagree. Though my people are now on this planet, my mission still stands. To invade and destroy this pathetic rock."  
  
"Fine, you know what..." Dib said, putting down his backpack and flinging out pieces of clothes and his large 'Dir' unit/garbage can with stapled on arms.  
  
"NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Zim said crying out.  
  
"Oh yeah! Invader Ima is gonna make a comeback because of your incessent tomfoolery." Dib said as he put on his horrible invader disguise, made up of a Green Giant Mask and poorly made Irken clothing.  
  
"If you believe that my human disguise will be seen through, what chance do you have with your Irken disguise."  
  
At School....  
  
"And say hello to yet another horrible Irken Student, Invader Ima." Dib waved to the children of the class and watched Zim break every one of his pencils in anger. He smiled underneath his mask and walked over to the Irken side of the class.  
  
"Today," Ms Bitters continued, giving out the lesson plan. "The Irken Invaders in Training will be learning how to kill 30 men in 15 varying styles with.....JAZZ SPOONS!"  
  
Bitters took out two jazz spoons and began clicking them together against her knee as she motioned the invaders to walk to the right side of the room.  
  
"For the human children, you'll be learning how to be victims in the teaching of Irken Invaders learning to kill people with jazz spoons in 15 different styles."  
  
The children sang out with glee as the Irken Invaders began sharpening their spoons. Dib smiled as Zim groaned and looked frightened at the sights of the many deadly jazz spoons.  
  
"STOP THIS TRAVESTY!" A mysterious small figure yelled out, draped in a long dirty robe.   
  
"Who are you to disturb my class. FEEL THE WRATH OF SPOONS!" Bitters threw the spoons at the figure, only to watch as the figure catched one of them and broke the other with a well placed ju-jitsu type kick.   
  
"Who the...?" Both Dib and Zim said at the same time.  
  
"I'm...." The small figure took off his robe, revealing an Irken with a large scar over his right eye, menacing red slanted eyes, and one left antenna that was broken along the middle. "the REAL INVADER IMA! THAT ONE IS AN IMPOSTOR!"  
  
Dib's jaw fell to the floor as Zim smiled wickedly.  
  
Meanwhile....Across town.....  
  
"So females on your planet really watch pathetic things such as this movie?" Invader Devi asked as she pointed at the television, playing 'Waiting to Exhale.'  
  
"Well its mostly a confidence booster to keep us distracted from the fact that we'll die hopeless and alone, watching as our biological clock runs down to zero and we become a barren wasteland never to replicate and have children." Human Devi replied, patting her stomach.  
  
"Oh....your people scare me." The female invader said, looking at the television.  
  
"We get that alot." Devi replied smiling.   
  
"Look at this! There is no way that you will ever see one such as I dancing around the table and giggling like a hyena!" Invader Devi said, cursing the television.  
  
"You have much to learn about the human society grasshopper." Devi said, taking out a large bottle of scotch. "Want some?"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"More self delusionary tactics I'm afraid."  
  
"I need nothing to distract me from my life which I am sharing with an earth female. Where I went on a date with a human disguised as an Irken and kicked him in his naughty bits. Where he dumped me and left me to rot. Where....Where....." Invader Devi stopped in mid thought. "GIVE ME THAT DAMN BOTTLE!"   
  
"Thats the spirit!" Devi said as she watched the female Irken chug down much of the scotch.  
  
Three hours later......  
  
"HEHEHEHEHE!" The two giggled insanely as they held hands and danced around a table in matching togas, obviously drunk out of their minds.  
  
Meanwhile, on the streets outside House #777......  
  
"So basically, you're feeling that I'm taking out my disbelief and rage that there is a species dumber and more useless than humans in the universe. That logically there is a planet out there that functions worse than our sad little dirtball?" Johnny asked Nail Bunny, as he sat upon a pile of Irken corpses.  
  
"I'd say that fits the bill." Nail Bunny replied, floating around Nny's head.  
  
"Works for me. Lets get a happy meal." Johnny jumped off the pile of corpses gleefully and ran to the nearest McDonald's.  
  
"NNY! WHAT ABOUT THE BODIES! NNY!?" Nail Bunny sighed, shook his floating head and followed after his demented counterpart.  
  
End Chapter 3.....  
  
*Ahem* Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight. What will happen to both Earth and Irk? Who is this Irken proclaming to be the Real Invader Ima? Are those really Zim's Brothers? Will Devi and Invader Devi ever recover from their apparent hangovers? How does Nny play into this soap opera? Stay and find out! 


End file.
